War's over

A Progress Report

by Gen. HC

Mr. President,

I present to you my thorough report of the war that we engaged in during the past week.

The war was inevitable from the start. There was no escape from it.

But now the war's over, and we celebrate our independence, our dignity, our honour, and our right to live free.

It was a non-violent engagement. Not a single drop of blood was shed.

Yet tears fell, often after difficult battles that tested the extremes of human capacity.

The war took place in terrible conditions.

We suffered harsh conditions, especially during the last battle (the battle of Geography and History), whether extreme low temperatures tested the endurance of our soldiers. Many soldiers who did not bring their bullet-proof vests (jackets) were vulnerable from the low energy air molecules that sucked thermal energy from their bodies. Even those who wore jackets and sweaters were not adequately protected. The cold was the enemy's perfect weapon.

Let me provide you a summary of the resources which we consumed over the past week:

1. Paper

In order to produce the paper that was used over the past week, we estimate that almost 100 trees were chopped down. During the preparation period, we used up even more paper, estimated to be around 100 sheets per soldier.

2. Ink

A hell lot. We estimate 1 entire pen-ful of ink per soldier.

3. Fuel

Battery power that provided energy for the tanks (GCs).

4. Ginseng Tea

3 cups per day for 3 weeks.

Now that the war's over, the soldiers celebrate. They have secured their basic right to live with independence, away from the tyrannical grip of dictators.

At 1730h yesterday, the soldiers dropped their weapons, their hands trembling from the cold and the enormous amount of work done during the 3 hour long battle.

Earlier on yesterday, shouts of anger were heard all over the battlefield as the soldiers took on the chemical warfare. Using despicable techniques such as ammonia gas and hydochloric acid, the enemy shocked our allied troops, who were definitely not well-prepared for the test. The person in charge of training the troops for the chemical warfare was Colonel Cheang.M.Y. We shall speak to him over the next few weeks.

On thursday, we launched into a battle of wits. Using complex mathematical symbols, the enemy attempted to induce our troops into a state of confusion and panic.

On wednesday, we encountered a physical battle in the morning, which was an extremely tough fight. Newtonian physics is not as simple as it looks. In the afternoon, the skills of our medics were tested.

On tuesday, our bankers worked hard, pitting themselves against an economic recession.

I shall not disclose what happened on monday, for it was disappointing defeat for me.

Next monday, some men and women shall seek to restore the rhetoric glory of the country. We wish them luck in their quest.

Over the next 2 weeks, we shall give out the medals of honour to those who have served well, fought smart, and prepared hard. Those who have done well will be rewarded.

With that, I shall conclude my report. The war is over, but we anticipate a greater challenge next year. We must seek to improve ourselves.

We also pray fervently for the countrymen of Myanmar, who face a much greater challenge in their lives today. We pray that they can find a peaceful resolution to their conflicts.